Five Ways That Couple's Counselling Can Help Your Relationship - Recent Research Findings

Though it's not developing at the break-neck speed of the physical or biological sciences, research is developing our understanding of what helps relationships to work, and why. As a couple's counsellor or therapist I was reading the research summarised below to help me to help the couples I work with, though you may find that you can directly apply these findings to your own relationship and get some benefits. Research summarised in psychology today affirms that couple's therapy does work, and looks at first factors that give the most benefit.

1. Changing the view of the relationship. Couple's counsellors who are most effective help a couple to see their relationship in a more objective and non-blaming way. Often this is about acknowledging the many stresses on a relationship, thereby allowing pressures such as financial constraints to be seen as a joint challenge rather than a chance to blame the other partner. Couple's counsellors need to be able to think quickly on their feet, gathering data and forming hypotheses from the way they see couples interacting in front of them in the consulting room.
2. Change unhelpful behaviour. Effective couples counsellors work to change disruptive behaviour that is impacting the relationship. This could range from encouraging a couple to take space when arguments are becoming too heated, to recognising and referring one or both of the couple for other support such as alcohol or drug treatment. 
3. Decrease emotional avoidance, and increase intimacy. Often couples come to therapy once they've already experience a lot of hurt and distrust in their relationship. The trust and intimacy needs to return, and it's the job of the couple's therapist to help make things feel safe enough for their clients to take risks in opening up emotionally to each other again. 
4. Teach communication skills. Every couple can use a tune-up in how they talk to each other, and some people have just never been role-modeled assertive but non-abusive communication. The couples counsellor can help coach communication during live and meaningful interactions between the couple during sessions.
5. Developing strengths. Every couple has things they regard as strengths, as well as the very real difficulties that brought them to therapy. Because during the hard time, the focus is often on the difficulties, the therapist can help by continuing to acknowledge and develop the strengths that each unique couple has. 

Though this is a list for couples therapists, none of it is anything that you can't improve on your own. On the other hand, if you would like a helping hand with this, please get in touch with us!