Idealisation and Devaluation in Psychotherapy and Counselling (defences part nine)

This post we'll look at the defence mechanisms of idealisation and devaluation, and how these manifest in psychotherapy and counselling.

In this defence, either self or other (or both) are seen unrealistically. In the case of idealisation, a person's good characteristics are exaggerated, and in the case of devaluation a person's worst characteristics are exaggerated. Like many other defence mechanisms, this is understood in popular culture. For instance, most of us could think of people we know who put others up on a pedestal, then complain bitterly to their friends when that person disappoints and becomes devalued as the lowest of the low. Celebrity gossip mags also illustrate this process, idealising celebrities to god-like status, then tearing them down in quick succession by critiquing their bodies, relationships, personalities, or fashion sense. 

As with other defence mechanisms, uncomfortable feels are being warded off through this process. You'll have to bear with me as I get a little bit into psychoanalytic technical distinctions, to explain what those feelings typically are. The first group of people who particularly use the defence of idealisation and devaluation are those with narcissistic personality styles. The fundamental issue for narcissistic personalities is a difficulty with self love, or self esteem (though it should be emphasised that one does not need to be narcissistic in order to struggle with self esteem!) A more grandiose narcissist will idealise themselves and devalue others, to avoid their painful lack of love for themselves. An opposite, more depleted sort of narcissist will devalue themselves and idealise others. (This may seem more counter-intuitive as s strategy for avoiding self hatred, but by maintaining some form of connection to the idealised other, a depleted narcissist manages to scavenge some scrap of love for themselves via association.) The use of this defence tends to take a heavy toll on relationships.

The second type of personality that is known for using the defence of idealisation and devaluation is the histrionic personality style. This is a character style less well known then narcissism. Histrionic personalities tend to be warm, dramatic, strongly emotional, and sensitive in general, and particularly sensitive in regard to abandonment. Here the idealisation and devaluation functions not so much to ward off painful self hatred (as with narcissistic), but to fend off the fear of abandonment by establishing an omnipotent idealised rescuer, who may even be able to rescue the histrionic if they become helpless when emotionally overwhelmed. 

A word of caution, if you're reading this and think that you recognise yourself in either of these personality styles, please don't jump to any conclusions and diagnose yourself! Most of us exhibit some of the above dynamics some of the time. Psychotherapists and counsellors tend to hold the above distinctions lightly, with a grain of salt, so please feel encouraged to do the same, and don't use any of this as an opportunity to beat yourself up!

A counsellor or psychotherapist may draw their clients attention to moments in which they use the defence of idealisation or devaluation. In my experience, it is rarer for therapists to draw attention to this defence, then some of the other defences that I've blogged about. I'm not sure why this is the case, but if you've got some thoughts about it, please let me know in the comments section.