These pieces of writing are by an anonymous client of Lucid Psychotherapy and Counselling. They reflect this persons experience of being a client in therapy; their struggles, their growth and their reflections. Everyone has a unique experience of therapy, however there tend to be some similarities between our experiences as clients - somethings we can all relate to. Hopefully these pieces of writing will inspire you to reflect on how you experience your life (and therapy, if you're a client), and provide you with some encouragement with whatever challenges you are facing in your life.
Usually when I sit down to write about therapy, it's because I'm doing the internal equivalent of swimming in a pool of my own tears or recovering from some flailing meltdown. That's because therapy is often challenging, and hard and then challenging again and then frustrating and then annoying, and then a list of feeling words all ticked in red pen.
In spite of what becomes at times almost incessant whining about the whole thing, I'm still going to therapy. Not just because I'm a masochist (you don't have to be a masochist to be in therapy, but it totally helps) but because in spite of the fact that therapy sometimes leaves me feeling completely undone in the worst kind of way, I am actually seeing benefits in my day to day life. The direct cause of these benefits remains a mystery. I'm not sure which particular part of therapy causes them to exist, and my therapist thinks its better that way. He gets to wear his robe and wizard hat and keep the mystery of secret therapy secrets, which seems to please him, and I get the benefits anyway. So it works out.
Here's a list of the top five benefits I've experienced from being in therapy.
In spite of what becomes at times almost incessant whining about the whole thing, I'm still going to therapy. Not just because I'm a masochist (you don't have to be a masochist to be in therapy, but it totally helps) but because in spite of the fact that therapy sometimes leaves me feeling completely undone in the worst kind of way, I am actually seeing benefits in my day to day life. The direct cause of these benefits remains a mystery. I'm not sure which particular part of therapy causes them to exist, and my therapist thinks its better that way. He gets to wear his robe and wizard hat and keep the mystery of secret therapy secrets, which seems to please him, and I get the benefits anyway. So it works out.
Here's a list of the top five benefits I've experienced from being in therapy.
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Being Alive Is Better
I used to be fairly indifferent to being alive. I wasn't going to go out of my way to make myself not alive, but if there had been an easy opt out option, I would have seriously considered it. Life seemed very flat and pointless, and I didn't have a lot of joy in anything, even things I liked. Which I guess is another way of describing being somewhat depressed about things. That feeling has lifted to be replaced with a cacophony of feelings, some more pleasant than others. Significant Boost To The Creativity Stat I have a creative profession, which has never gone so well as it has since I got into therapy. Therapy definitely represents a net return in terms of creativity. It's legit worth the investment. Even though the particular style and ambiance of the therapeutic milieu I find myself in tends to be nice and kind and egalitarian and generally fairly Zen, and what I write is about as far from enlightened as you can get, therapy has helped access a deeper well of inspiration in pretty much every creative territory there is. I've even started playing the piano again, like one of those inspirational tales where the virtuoso loses the ability to make music but discovers it again later on, except in this version the virtuoso was fairly average and now just likes playing pirate songs, but you get the general gist. It's really hard to overstate just how great therapy has been for me creatively. Other People Are Nicer Perk Relationships with other people have become much more open and enjoyable. I'm still an introvert but I'm finding that other people are somehow nicer than they were before I started therapy. I'm not sure how my going to therapy has changed everyone else so much, but they're definitely less of a pack of scumbags than they were when I started. So that's nice. Romance Enhanced Personally in my romantic relationship with my long term partner, things are also much improved. The core issue of intimacy remains, but everything around it seems to have become easier. There is more affection, less conflict, and I spend much less time making apology cards for events which normal retailers just don't carry cards for, like 'sorry I threw all the laundry into the dishwasher'. There are fewer fights, fewer random outbursts, and I hardly ever wake up on the wrong side of the country because I decided the man I have been with for the better part of a decade has actually secretly hated me all along. |
+5 To General Tolerance Of Other Humans
Irritations which used to bother me a lot bother me a great deal less now. I live in an economically depressed neighborhood which has laid claim to all sorts of dubious honors regarding crime statistics at various points in time. It is difficult to know how to respond to the large man of questionable mental state kneeling on the side of the road giving you a black power salute while two stray dogs make love in the middle of a roundabout. (I went with a friendly wave. It seemed appropriate.) I have neighbors whose only apparent past time is playing the family edition of beneficiary stereotype bingo with a level of commitment it is difficult not to admire. Sometimes they build dwellings out of bits and pieces of random materials scavenged, stolen or otherwise re-purposed from council use. Sometimes they set things on fire. Sometimes they run out of things to tag and so they tag the road. Sometimes they steal earth moving equipment and lead the police on interminably slow chases around red zoned roads. Sometimes they play road cone bowling with cars which have not seen a warrant in many moons and yet somehow have stereos which are loud enough to take the eardrums out of passersby, and still don't manage to drown out the desperation of their lives. Sometimes they chase family members down the street and sit on them while screaming obscenities at 3 o'clock in the morning. All of this stresses me out a great deal less than it did. In fact, it's kind of charming now. |
To conclude, therapy has made me feel more love from the people around me, has made me less depressed about life in general, has had a direct and beneficial effect on my creative career, making it an excellent investment in a business sense - and therapy continues to challenge me. I guess that makes this a six point list, but I have to say, before going to therapy I was pretty sure I had everything all figured out. I was where I wanted to be in my life in many respects and I was feeling pretty miserable because I genuinely thought there were no more mountains to climb. Therapy has shown me that I was so completely wrong about that it's kind of scary at times, but I feel so much better knowing that there are still challenges to be overcome, than giving into stagnation and the comfortable lies I used to tell myself about being 'done'. Therapy is hard, but that's also why therapy is good.
