“When you can stop, you don't want to, and when you want to stop, you can't...” – Luke Davies

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You might or might not think of yourself as addicted, but the odds are good that if you're reading this then you or someone you love are caught up in doing some things that are making life unnecessarily undifficult. Addictions aren't always negative, it really depends on how it affects you, your life and your relationships - is it causing a problem for you? It could be gambling, alcohol or drug use thats making life unbearable. Or strong cravings for sex, love, possessions or food. Some of us are addicted to our phones, games or social media. Many people bear intense shame and guilt about these issues, which helps to keep the behaviours hidden. We could become secretive, even lying to ourselves. All of this makes it challenging to access effective support. Recovery might be the hardest thing that you or your loved one do, but getting the right support can make it easier.

How counselling or psychotherapy helps with compulsions or addictions

Often the first step in recovery is becoming really resolved within oneself that we are ready to change. It can be difficult to distinguish between what others want for us, and what we really want for ourselves. Early in treatment a psychotherapist or counsellor may help with this process of clarification through motivational interviewing, a non confrontational and honest approach to helping us to clarify how ready we are to change. It's OK to be uncertain. It's OK to change your mind about what you do or don't want to change. You've probably tried to force yourself to change, or someone else has tried to force you to change. This rarely works. Patience and curiosity, oddly enough, work much more effectively and more quickly than pressure or force does.

If you decide that you want to look at making changes, then often it's helpful for your therapist and you to understand more deeply why you're behaving the way you are. This usually involves moving past the obvious answers, and looking at your behaviors in the context of your whole life, as attempts to fulfill valid and important needs. Usually this process involves coming to terms with how much or little we love or accept ourselves, and dealing with our guilt and shame to move us towards a healthier relationship with ourselves.

An addiction is not something you are stuck with - you don't need to battle against it for the rest of your life. Getting some help to deal with the difficulties that are causing the addiction is, for most of us, the easiest path to change. People who do this can find that their lives transform in ways that they could never have imagined, and may feel deep gratitude for having done the hard work of a thorough recovery. 

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