“Hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where you are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else.
Wanting life to be different from what it is. That's also called leaving without leaving. Dying before you die.
​It's as if there is a part of you that so rails against being shattered by love that you shatter yourself first."   
​― Geneen Roth

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Psychotherapy and counselling for people with eating disorders

Many people come to eating disorder treatment feeling a great deal of conflict within themselves about recovery, and sometimes feeling significant pressure from friends, family, or their partner. Rather than becoming another source of pressure, usually it is most useful for the therapist to help the person with an eating disorder to sort through all of their own reasons to change or not to change, weigh up these reasons, and get to a place of feeling clear and empowered enough to make their own choice.  If a person does decide they are ready to change, often a counsellor or therapist can help with planning the practical steps, and also to deal with intense emotions that accompany the process. Often in the process of recovering from an eating disorder a person will learn skills from their therapist to manage low moods, anxiety, or to become more asssertive or more connected with others in relationships. Mindfulness based therapy, and DBT are both commonly used and effective with eating difficulties.

Eating disorders and difficulties with food

Approximately 70,000 New Zealanders will have significant eating difficulties at some point in their lifetime. 1 in 10 of these people will be men. That said, many more New Zealanders have troubled relationships with food, with their bodies, and ultimately with their own emotions. Below is some introductory information about the types of eating disorders.

Anorexia is an eating disorder in which a person significantly restricts their intake of food, and may also purge (vomit or use laxatives). This may result in significant loss of weight, and can also result in serious medical complications or even death. Anorexia is not just a dieting fad, and may be accompanied by severe anxiety about eating, and may change a person's perception of their own body. Recovery is typically easier and more likely the earlier a person seeks treatment. 

In contrast to anorexia, a person suffering from bulimia may not be thin, but may be of any body size or shape. The disorder is characterised by eating large quantities of food in a short period (binging), often followed by purging by vomiting or other methods. Bulimia can cause dental problems, heart issues, swollen salivary glands, and other medical complications. Like anorexia, bulimia may be accompanied by significant anxiety and other emotional and relationship difficulties.

Practical tips for a healthier relationship with food

Starting psychotherapy or counselling is great if you're ready for it, but even if you're not there are some practical tools you can use that have helped many other people to deal with disordered eating. Here are a few things to consider:

1. If you have a tendency to binge eat, pay attention to your sensation of hunger. Try to notice when your hunger is a genuine desire for food, vs when your hunger is an emotional hunger. 
2. When you notice that you have an urge to eat out of emotional hunger, try to distinguish what you're hungry for. It might be love, comfort, excitement, relief, or something else. The type of food you are feeling an urge to eat might offer you some clues.  For instance, an urge to eat chocolate might be expressing a desire for stimulation, excitement, or passion. On the other hand you might be feeling an urge to eat something that is one of your classic comfort foods, in which case you're clearly desiring comfort! Experiment with trying something to fulfill the emotional need, rather than binge eating.
3. If you tend to restrict, and struggle to consume enough food, consider eating a little faster to make the challenge easier. On the other hand, if you often binge, try slowing down your eating and notice how a smaller amount of food may actually leave you feeling better than a binge does.
4. If you aren't already, begin to pay attention to your anxiety. In particular, muscle tension, racing heartbeats, and sweating can be easy to notice symptoms of anxiety. Usually anxiety helps to drive an eating disorder. Try managing your anxiety by sitting still and paying attention to the physical symptoms of anxiety for a few minutes when you notice them arise. Usually observing these symptoms will help them decrease, giving you more of a sense of mastery over your anxiety.

We hope these practical tips are helpful, and we encourage you to contact a psychotherapist, counsellor, or psychologist when you feel ready to change. Even if you're not ready to change yet, seeing your GP to get a health check-up is a good idea.

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