These pieces of writing are by an anonymous client of Lucid Psychotherapy and Counselling. They reflect this persons experience of being a client in therapy; their struggles, their growth and their reflections. Everyone has a unique experience of therapy, however there tend to be some similarities between our experiences as clients - somethings we can all relate to. Hopefully these pieces of writing will inspire you to reflect on how you experience your life (and therapy, if you're a client), and provide you with some encouragement with whatever challenges you are facing in your life.
Should I Become A Therapist?I recently told my therapist that another therapist had told me I would make a good therapist. I'm not sure what reaction I really expected, but whatever it was, it wasn't the one I got. My therapist laughed. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot. I'm talking a really long time.
At that moment I didn't know whether the laughter was because he agreed I would make a good therapist, or if the idea was so ludicrous he could barely stay in his seat. I was leaning toward the latter reason. When we did eventually clarify his thoughts on the matter, it turned out that I was wrong. The same thought had occurred to him at some point and he figured I might make a good therapist too. And that surprised me. Mostly because I've told him all sorts of utterly unrepeatable things, many of which do not cast me in the best of lights. I've also, at times, had moments in therapy of which I'm less than totally proud. I have often not made his life easy. Not by a long shot. |
The Kitten and the HallwayAt two months old, she was abandoned in the wild and left to die. She almost did. Discovered hours from passing, dehydrated by a third of her body weight and emaciated to the point she looked like a kitten half her age, she was taken to a vet and given life saving treatment. For three days she was watched over day and night with fluids and antibiotics until she was declared stable enough to come home with me. There was not much to her. She was a big head, skinny little legs and a belly swollen from starvation. I held her in my hands and my heart hurt because she had been so horribly harmed. She was, essentially, a skeleton with fur.
For the first week, she did nothing but lay in her bed. I would encourage her to eat, and she would, but then she would return to her blankets and curl up and sleep. She had little to no energy. She could not run or jump or climb. She was a kitten, but just barely. She had a significant head tremor which would appear when she was startled or frightened which gave her the appearance of a fluffy bobble toy. She was quiet, aside from a small, cracked meow she gave one day. It sounded hoarse and static-y, like the sound an old fashioned record player would make when you lifted the needle... |
The Benefits of Therapy
Usually when I sit down to write about therapy, it's because I'm doing the internal equivalent of swimming in a pool of my own tears or recovering from some flailing meltdown. That's because therapy is often challenging, and hard and then challenging again and then frustrating and then annoying, and then a list of feeling words all ticked in red pen.
In spite of what becomes at times almost incessant whining about the whole thing, I'm still going to therapy. Not just because I'm a masochist (you don't have to be a masochist to be in therapy, but it totally helps) but because in spite of the fact that therapy sometimes leaves me feeling completely undone in the worst kind of way, I am actually seeing benefits in my day to day life... |
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First Impressions
Usually in therapy I see some decapitated flowers, a picture of decapitated flowers, a lamp and a thing that is probably a metal grasshopper but seems to be missing its head. Today I saw two horses, four ponies, a flock of chickens, a pukeko, a gecko, a dead bumblebee and some live ones hovering in place in the norwesterly breeze. Usually therapy takes place within four walls. Today it took place in the expansive outdoors, the hills to our back, the ocean to the left, roads and homes and paddocks spread out below. Keep reading... |
How Much Should You Tell Your Therapist?
This is a question which seems to have a fairly simple answer: everything. That's what I figured anyway. The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me god, where's my Bible, I'll swear on it right now. But maybe we should hold the Bible for the moment, because the real answer is more complicated. (As real answers tend to be, with their infinite shades of gray.) Keep reading... |
A Therapy Holiday
(How Not To Swear At Your Therapist) I'm body stoned with sadness. To my therapist's left, a vase of wilting flowers deposits purple petals onto the tiny table which is never used for coffee. Usually they'd be fresh and bright, but not this week because it's only a few days before a break and I guess whoever does the flowers didn't figure it was worth it. They're wildly appropriate, drooping toward slaughtered wood with a defeated sort of attitude. “Don't mind us,” they silently sigh. “We're just dying.” Keep reading... |
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Journaling Gratitude
I have written about the gratitude journal before. If you missed that episode, here are the Cliff notes: angry client complains about everything under the sun for several sessions. Therapist suggests that journaling things client feels grateful for might make client feel better. Client vehemently rejects notion of not just journaling gratitude, but the concept of gratitude itself and proceeds to give a view of the world that would make even the most enthusiastic goth feel a bit overwhelmed. Keep reading... |
No Sudden Movements
No sudden movements is actually pretty good advice for a lot of situations in life, save maybe a break dancing competition. It's particularly important when it comes to dealing with dogs who have experienced trauma in their lives. It has taken me a long time to write about animal rescue in a context of therapy, mostly because it is hard to see my pain reflected in the pain of the dog named Girl... Keep reading... |
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The Reins of Intimacy
“Would you mind holding his reins for just a moment?” An innocent enough request for a stable or paddock. But we were not in a stable or a paddock. It was after midnight, we were in an expansive basement warren of connecting rooms... Keep reading... |
The Therapy Box
There's something vulnerable about him from the moment we meet. He has an age defying quality, not quite a baby face, more like a young soul. His qualifications are solid, his experience impressive. I find myself with an instinctive trust for this man who seems so earnest and unjaded by the world even though he is more than old enough to have been touched by the worst of it... Keep reading... |
Congratulations, It's An Alcoholic!
When people have a child, they are generally congratulated on the birth of their new baby. 'Congratulations on the birth of your son!' or 'So wonderful to hear you have a new daughter!' This is because babies are considered an achievement, a blessing and a generally all round good thing most of the time. But what of the baby?... Keep reading... |