Trump Makes Therapy Great Again!
So they're telling me I need therapy. Well, I'm telling you, I don't need therapy. Therapy needs me.
Therapy used to be for winners. Freud was a winner. Jung was a winner. They knew how to do therapy. Used to be people underwent psychoanalysis five to seven times a week. Therapy used to be great. Now what have you got? CBT for six weeks, meeting once a week? Sad!
Therapists tell me, Donald, you're a raging narcissist. They're awful people, just gross. I'm not a narcissist, and I'll tell you one good reason why: I can't even spell narcissist.
But, sure, I got problems. Everyone's got problems. So I'm bringing my problems to therapy. Big problems. Huge! And, you know, they say these problems can be fixed. But are they fixed? No! Bad! And you know why that is? It's because therapy isn't great anymore.
It's time to make therapy great again, and I'm the man to do it. I tell you, by the time I get done with therapy, you're going to be tired of therapy. You're going to be so great at being human you'll be super human. I'm telling you that now. Those words are coming out of my mouth. Are they true? Yes. I'm saying them – and that's what therapists do, say words. See? I'm already making therapy great again.
Therapy is all about feelings. Nice! Good! Sad! Bad! I know all four feelings. Nobody knows how to feel better than I do. Believe me when I say I have the best feelings. I have feelings you wouldn't believe. The media says I don't have feelings. They're nasty people. Horrible people. It's sad. It really is. The truth is, I'm rich. Rich in feelings. And I'm going to use those feelings to make therapy great again.
Therapists like to talk about the unconscious. Well, let me tell you, I'm unconscious right now! People come to me and they say, Donald, you're talking pure drivel. Awful people. Disgusting people. They don't understand what I'm saying because they're stupid. I'm smart. I mean, really smart. I've written books. Lots of books. The best books!
Other people say that I'm mean. They call me nasty. But what they won't tell you is that I'm actually very nice. I'm the nicest man you'll ever meet. I've employed tens of thousands of people and I've only sadistically fired a really small percentage of them. Tiny!
So I'm thinking to myself, Donald, you have to become a therapist. And you have to make therapy great again.
But people say it won't work. Sad! They say nobody in their right mind would ever let me be a therapist. Wrong! Therapy trainers love me! I get votes from all the therapy trainers! I promise you, I'll qualify under budget and on-schedule and I will be the greatest therapist God ever created. Nice!
This is a piece of satirical writing by an anonymous client of lucid psychotherapy and counselling. Copyright lucid psychotherapy and counselling.
Therapy used to be for winners. Freud was a winner. Jung was a winner. They knew how to do therapy. Used to be people underwent psychoanalysis five to seven times a week. Therapy used to be great. Now what have you got? CBT for six weeks, meeting once a week? Sad!
Therapists tell me, Donald, you're a raging narcissist. They're awful people, just gross. I'm not a narcissist, and I'll tell you one good reason why: I can't even spell narcissist.
But, sure, I got problems. Everyone's got problems. So I'm bringing my problems to therapy. Big problems. Huge! And, you know, they say these problems can be fixed. But are they fixed? No! Bad! And you know why that is? It's because therapy isn't great anymore.
It's time to make therapy great again, and I'm the man to do it. I tell you, by the time I get done with therapy, you're going to be tired of therapy. You're going to be so great at being human you'll be super human. I'm telling you that now. Those words are coming out of my mouth. Are they true? Yes. I'm saying them – and that's what therapists do, say words. See? I'm already making therapy great again.
Therapy is all about feelings. Nice! Good! Sad! Bad! I know all four feelings. Nobody knows how to feel better than I do. Believe me when I say I have the best feelings. I have feelings you wouldn't believe. The media says I don't have feelings. They're nasty people. Horrible people. It's sad. It really is. The truth is, I'm rich. Rich in feelings. And I'm going to use those feelings to make therapy great again.
Therapists like to talk about the unconscious. Well, let me tell you, I'm unconscious right now! People come to me and they say, Donald, you're talking pure drivel. Awful people. Disgusting people. They don't understand what I'm saying because they're stupid. I'm smart. I mean, really smart. I've written books. Lots of books. The best books!
Other people say that I'm mean. They call me nasty. But what they won't tell you is that I'm actually very nice. I'm the nicest man you'll ever meet. I've employed tens of thousands of people and I've only sadistically fired a really small percentage of them. Tiny!
So I'm thinking to myself, Donald, you have to become a therapist. And you have to make therapy great again.
But people say it won't work. Sad! They say nobody in their right mind would ever let me be a therapist. Wrong! Therapy trainers love me! I get votes from all the therapy trainers! I promise you, I'll qualify under budget and on-schedule and I will be the greatest therapist God ever created. Nice!
This is a piece of satirical writing by an anonymous client of lucid psychotherapy and counselling. Copyright lucid psychotherapy and counselling.