On Continuing: Finding Your Flow

Whilst the Lucid practice is still very much in a start phase (see last blog post), I've become excited about continuing the theme of the last post by addressing continuing, or the mid phase of any relationship or project. This involves maintaining momentum (on a project), or maintaining intimacy or energy (in a relationship), as well as hopefully increasing these factors. 

So, here we are in the middle, where the initial novelty or excitement has gone. The honeymoon in a relationship is definitely over, as our projections drop away and we discover what we don't like about a partner, and what they don't like about us. We've discovered that however exciting that initial project idea was, that it mostly is coming down to following up many little individually boring or even distasteful steps. It's easy and very human to want to leave for someone or something more exciting - to re-enter the intoxicating beginning phase. This may be the case particularly if we've never seen what is possible in traversing this territory well. This leaving impulse may be compounded by an unconscious fear of merger - losing one's sense of self and independence by truly committing.   

So what is good about this phase, when it's going well? In one word: flow. Strangely close to the experience of the mundane, the boring, or the routine, is the experience of flow. Studied by psychologist
Csikszentmihalyi, flow is when some or all sense of self drops away in complete immersion in an activity. It is not passive (like watching television), but not self conscious or intentional either (as the beginning phase tends to be.) The activity (or partner in a relationship) is like a dance partner, which we respond to intuitively and highly effectively. 

Flow is inherently rewarding and rejuvenating. If we cannot access it to some degree, some of the time, we are likely to leave the project or relationship, or wish we could. Why is flow so accessible in this phase? Because the mentally stimulating initial excitement or drama of the beginning has dropped away. Flow needs some degree of focus and mental quiet. Some ways of attaining this are by shifting perspective, as done in therapy, and/or via mindfulness practice (the topic of future posts.) 

Thanks for reading. Please post a comment about your experience of the middle/maintainance phase, or flow. Subscribe to RSS feed, or check in a few days for the final in this mini series: endings.

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