Thinking, Saying, Doing

Most of the time when we're in emotional pain, it's just thoughts. We build prisons out of our thoughts, and set our thoughts up as torturers, judges, and jailors. They're just thoughts, which means they're insubstantial, but it also means that it's difficult to dispel them, because there's nothing there. And the pain is real.

When clients of mine put their difficult thoughts or memories into words for the first time I'm glad. After expressing themselves my clients often reflect in some way that it makes the thoughts feel more real, and that putting the thought into words changes how the whole situation feels. The feeling, having articulated a haunting thought, is often one of relief, even when the issue that the thought is about hasn't been solved yet. It's so simple and surprising.

Often it's a natural progression from thinking, to saying, to doing something different. We don't know before we talk about the issue, how we're going to actually do anything different, so often we hesitate. Once it's out of our mouths, though, it feels different, so we act differently too. This process of moving from thinking to saying to doing might take a moment, or it might take years, depending on the issue. Once we're doing something different about our problems, we'll usually get different results. Even if we don't, we've empowered ourselves by being the change that we want.